Finding Balance Through Relationship

The job of a chaplain can be very taxing emotionally, if not approached in a healthy balanced manner. As a chaplain, I have the responsibility to be emotionally available to patients while at the same time keep a healthy distance from the situation. This is a difficult skill. It has taken a lot of training and practice to hone. Although, I cannot give all the ways in which I find the balance, I can describe the first skill I had to learn and practice.

The best way to describe how to find balance is by understanding the extremes. The first extreme is being emotionally over invested in a family or patient. Those who begin work in healthcare sometimes get involved in it in order to experience the emotion of it all. Because of their unawareness of the emotional self, they quickly find themselves not only trying to work out the issues of the family, but their own struggles as well. This has negative effect on caring for families. The families can quickly find themselves having to care for the person who is supposed to be there caring for them. Consequently, the people who are over invested often burn out quickly; there are too many families with too many problems. It is not possible for one person to care for everybody.


On the other hand, there are healthcare workers who are not emotionally involved and keep an emotional distance between them and those they are attempting to care for. I have worked with such individuals. Some of the ways they keep their distance are: rushing in and out of rooms, using words, such as medical jargon, or fancy theological terms, or they just don’t flat out care. Another way to keep emotional distance is to have a set agenda before walking into the room. I have, I am guilty, walked into a room, after a long day, with one thing in mind: to talk about what they want to talk about and then get out. This emotional distance can leave the individual feeling more isolated and lonely than they did before I walked in the door.

So the key, then, is to find a balance somewhere in the middle. I have to realize when I visit with an individual that I am a chaplain; that is my role. Individuals to a certain degree expect that I will be offering them professional guidance and support. At the same time, however, I remain in touch with my humanity. I empathize (not sympathize) with individuals. I know they are hurting, and I know how uncomfortable and distressing hurt can be, I have had my own share of it.

The most powerful way in which I have discovered finding balance is through relationship. I believe strongly in the power of relationship. In my relationship with individuals, I remain emotionally open to them, affirming their need to feel what they feel, while at the same time guiding them in a direction that will bring them comfort. The direction I usual guide them to is within. Deep inside is where the capacity to heal ourselves already exist; it just has to be tapped into.

See also Spirituality and Our Emotions.